If I Could Hold My Four-Year-Old Self

Over the past ten years, working with clients, I have often guided them back to support their four-year-old selves. Four is a pivotal time in our development—a time when we begin making sense of the world, even though so much of it feels confusing. Events that seem normal to an adult—being sent to our room, being told to be quiet, or punished—can be overwhelming to a child.

At that age, we don’t understand why we are being told to go away. We don’t understand why our big feelings are too much, why our voices are silenced, why we are left alone to figure it out. We don’t have the words for it, but we feel it—abandoned, unseen, unheard, misunderstood. These feelings don’t just disappear. They get trapped in our bodies, shaping how we relate to ourselves and others as adults.

I have witnessed this again and again in my healing work—clients returning to the moment they were first told they were “too much,” first sent away for expressing what they felt, first believing that being quiet and small was the only way to be loved. And I have guided them back, not to relive the pain, but to offer what was missing.

If I could go back and hold my four-year-old self, this is what I would say:

Dear Little Me,

"Hi, sweet girl. I see you. I see your big, bright eyes and your even bigger heart. I see the way you take in the world, how deeply you feel everything, how much you just want to be understood and to understand the world around you. You are so special, just the way you are.

You don’t have to try to be anything different. You don’t have to be extra quiet or extra good to make people happy. You are already perfect—just by being you.

It’s okay to feel sad sometimes. It’s okay to feel mad or confused. All your feelings are welcome. They are like little stars, helping you find your way.

You are never alone. The trees, the sun, the wind, and even the stars at night—they all know you. No matter where you are, I am always with you, in your heart. We all love you. And one day, when you’re bigger, you’ll remember how magical you’ve always been.

So keep playing. Keep singing. Keep making up stories and looking for shapes in the clouds. The world is a beautiful place, and so are you.

I love you so, so much."

Biggest hugs,

Me, all grown up 💛✨